Count Arthur Strong returns! This time ‘Alive and Unplugged’ (whatever that means?). In his first solo show for some years, the noble Count takes us back to what he does best… Not that he wasn’t doing his best before… because he was. He only knows how to do his best… So in this wonderful new show he’s still doing the best…he can… No, that’s not working Doris…. Look you do it. Have a look at someone else’s poster and rewrite what they’ve put on that. Not John Bishop’s though! Obviously discharge your cleaning obligations first. And don’t forget the tide mark on the bath this time! Oh and I’ve got a doctors appointment about my you know what so I’ll leave your money under the clock on the mantlepiece.

Make up some quotes from the papers as well. But nice ones.

The show business colossasus (check that), takes us back on a journey through his early career. Using the latest technology and all that (I presume we’ve got a projector?) he will be delving into his own personal box of video cassettes and talking us (you) through the highlights of his glittering TV career, and many of the trademark stories we’ve come to love him for.

Count Arthur Strong is ‘Alive and Unplugged’ at Malvern Theatres on Saturday, June 16 at 7.30pm. To book, call the box office on 01684 892277 or visit